overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All I want is dick and wine.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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