i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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