tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
