How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
