I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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