i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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