I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
