by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
