WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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