i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
