I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
