I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
