they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
