No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i used baking grease as lip gloss
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
