Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
