So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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