omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
