My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My vagina is officially offended.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
