About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
