i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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