ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
