Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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