Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
