Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
