So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
