i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
