mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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