Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
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