yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
