You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
