I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
