How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
