just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
