I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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