Non-Jews are for practice
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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