This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
