3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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