dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
