he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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