When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
