i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
