Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
