Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
