distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
