At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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