wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
