He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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