my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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