just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
