'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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