Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
