he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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